The Bourne Trilogy

The only saving grace of the Bourne movies, in my mind, is that the entire trilogy is absolutely devoid of larfs. There’s not one witty or funny comeback line, really. They don’t try to make Matt Damon look cool (impossible task), they don’t try to exist in any real-world setting (I mean, money is apparently no object for this guy, but we don’t see his means of support, and we learn in the second movie that he wasn’t siphoning funds with the other bad dudes).

Somehow, despite the interminable chase and fight scenes that do nothing to advance what little plot there is, I enjoy the movies enough to watch them. This is probably the first time I’ve found Matt Damon even remotely likable, and there’s nothing really redeeming about any of the other characters, and so I can’t tell you what it is that makes it possible for me to sit through these things.

By any objective measure, they collectively eat a dick. So why have I seen two of them several times?

I honestly can’t tell you.

Why did they feel that the character or story was compelling enough to make two (ridiculously titled) sequels?

I also can’t tell you.

Or, maybe I could tell you, but then we’d have to go through twenty minutes of choreographed hair-pulling and I’d have to blow something up with a toaster.

I mean, there wasn’t even anything sexy about these movies.

No forks rating for this one; I honestly just don’t know.