Movie Reviews

I really enjoyed the Samuel L. Jackson interview on The Daily Show tonight. It made me very excited about the movie – I mean, I don’t like most movies based on fear, but I do really like action movies, and I like Samuel L.’s badassedness, and how much he was delighting in the whole thing. And I like to see a movie achieving its goals. And I think Snakes on a Plane will do that.

Sometimes, it’s delightful to know you’re involved in something ridiculous, to let go of your false
dignity. I remember taking a boyfriend to see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back with a bunch of friends, and him being all too-cool-to-enjoy-himself; it made him seem really small and pathetic and lame. He didn’t get that it wasn’t supposed to be Kubrick. It was embarrassing to be dating anyone so dense. So yeah – early show, Friday, at Galaxy. Bring friends who aren’t too cool to have fun.

Speaking of movies, I finally saw Boondock Saints the other day, and I was terribly embarrassed for Willem Dafoe. It was trying for the kind of cool carelessness of Pulp Fiction and landed squarely in made-for-tv-movie-lameness. I mean, there were moments where you could see the light of the original idea shine through, and it was probably pretty cool in concept, but the execution was weak. And it wasn’t even conscious of it’s suckiness, as a movie; it thought it was pretty damned cool, like that kid who shows up to a martial arts class in a black trenchcoat. 9 forks.

I saw X-Men III this weekend. I know that most of you felt that it could be summed up in one word: meh. I enjoyed it, because I honestly expected that it would be about what it was.

There were lots of funny bits, and for a person who loves bad movies, sometimes more than she loves good movies, it was pretty enjoyable. But my favourite bit was the coda, after the credits, when the most powerful mutant attribute of all is revealed: importance to the plot.

Importance to the plot will ressurect you from the dead, reverse ‘cures’ and generally undo everything that has happened in the last two movie hours. It’s the most kick-ass mutant power evar.

Also, is Storm the lamest character, or is it just in the movies that she has to take twenty minutes to summon up some lightning that doesn’t ever hit anybody? Her powers are along the lines of scented candles and Barry White – “Dammit, we need to set the mood. Storm, could you summon up a little fog please?” Invaluable to movie producers and heavy metal tours, sure, but not so great in a ght.

Finally, c’mon people: Halle Berry is pretty, but she never could act. Which is why it’s such a shame that, out of all the female characters, she’s the only one who has any lines. Jean just stands there for the entire movie, Rogue mopes away, and Mystique is ‘cured.’ Lame. And when Storm has sex with Billy Bob Thornton’s character, I just totally lost interest…

Anyway, 4 Forks. Enjoyably lame, but I paid ten bucks to see chicks kick ass, not just stand there and look pretty.

Last night Cassie and I went to see 16 Blocks, which I have to admit I really liked – I usually enjoy Bruce Willis, and I’m in love with Mos Def, and the story wasn’t what I was expecting, and it made me cry. Generally speaking, Hollywood doesn’t let characters like Mos Def’s live through movies like 16 Blocks.
Well, Hollywood doesn’t let black main characters live through movies, period.
Anyway, I liked it, and I say 2 forks. Some of the editing drove me crazy.

I went to see Walk the Line on the weekend, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. As usual, I’m not
that interested in someone’s struggle to break their addiction; it’s like sex – quite interesting if you’re involved, but not so much is you’re merely a spectator (Also, the projector broke down during that part, so the pacing felt off for me). I loved that Ma and Pa Carter drove off the drug dealer with their rifles. Though I hear that some people feel there’s too much music, I think that when you’re telling the story of Johnny Cash, the music is so entwined with the story that’s there’s no escaping it. I thought Joachim Phoenix did a fabulous job, and that Reese Witherspoon gave her best performance that I’ve seen. 2 forks.

Also rented Orson Welles’ documentary F for Fake, which I’d recommend as something to approach when you’re not feeling particularly linear and logical. If you rent it, don’t give up in the first twenty minutes: go Google Howard Hughes, and once you’ve remembered who he is, just let yourself sink into the odd timing of the edit. It reminded me of one of the things I would do if I had too much money – which is, that I would collect fine art forgeries. Really good ones, anyway. Attached to famous forgers, if possible. I like a good trick.
F for Fake is un-rateable. Trust Orson; he knows what he’s doing, and it’s not his fault if you can’t figure it out.

Hmmm… there was something I was outraged by… what was it?
Ohhhhh… Harry Potter and the Goblet of Ass.
I have a few things to say, and they must be yelled:
YOU FANDOM ASSHOLES CAN KISS MY ASS. WORST DIALOGUE EVAR. MIKE NEWELL IS OFFICIALLY ON NOTICE. JESUS CHRIST, WHO EDITED THIS CRAP? WHY DON’T I GET TO SEE
MORE OF GARY OLDMAN? THIS BLOWS. 8 FORKS!

Ah, holding that in must have been what gave me a migraine yesterday. I had to call in sick; I hate doing that. Everything was too loud and too bright, and I couldn’t see. As a result, I was pretty chipper today, due to the absence of shrieking pain in my head. This accounts for the use of Internet abbreviations and all-caps shouting. I’m more annoying when I’m happy.

The reason I direct hate toward fandom assholes is that I feel that the director spent a little too much time looking at the blogs before setting down to make this movie. Well, okay, I generally hate fandom, and people who spend all of their time thinking/talking about one thing are both boring and annoying. There was no magic in that goddamned movie, because the director was so busy stroking every slash-writing asshole he could think of.

I may have to give up on Hollywood altogether. Maybe Walk the Line will be good.

In happier news, I rented It’s all gone Pete Tong the other night, and it was well done. Didn’t bottom out on the woah-I’ve-gone-crazy-and-am-using-lots-of-drugs sequence, unlike most movies that have something like that. Made by the same guy that did FUBAR (which I haven’t seen).

Wedding Crashers is hilarious. I don’t usually find comedies very funny, but this one is so well done, with only a few places it falls  at. Vince Vaughan is a genius of timing, and he’s got the rapid-fire delivery down perfectly. The script is excellent, and should win awards; when Vince and Owen are talking to each other, they speak almost entirely in cliches. It’s never pointed out, but it’s just this wonderful thread of subtle comedy that runs thru the whole movie. And the characterization is great; the freaky girl that clings to Vince, her crazy, shunned-by-the-family homosexual artist brother, the casually racist Ivy-League prats. Even Vince and Owen (look, who cares what their character names were, eh?) have pretty distinct personalities, which is so unusual in any buddy  flick that it was completely delightful. Also, most of you don’t probably give a good god damn, but most of the editing was great like whoa.

I’m giving this baby 2 forks. There are moments were the pacing falls apart, and the dialogue goes flat, but overall, this is one of the funnier comedies I’ve seen.
I mean, purpose-written comedies. Because I’m sure the writers of the Ben Affleck Daredevil didn’t intend to write a comedy.